


Forever and always

by seamistress89



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Chibitalia feels, Feels, M/M, Mentions of Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 21:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12308292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seamistress89/pseuds/seamistress89
Summary: Feliciano visits that place every now and then.





	Forever and always

**Author's Note:**

> Sea: So I have a head canon that Feli does this and I wanted to write it... You're welcome.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

August 6th. It was the day every year now that Feliciano visited **that** place. It wasn't the date he said goodbye to the other forever, but it was the day **he** finally fell.

 

God, he couldn't even think **his** name. How pathetic was he?

 

Feliciano sighed to himself as he stood before the spot. His eyes drifted over the plains with pursed lips. The spot has changed over time, like everything else. He made sure it didn't change drastically though. He thinks he'd cry if it did. Well, cry more that is.

 

Honestly, when Ludwig suggested they modernize the area, Feliciano broke down into sobs immediately. The German had no idea what to do to comfort him. He had no idea what was wrong. Feliciano wouldn't talk to him about it. Gilbert was the only one who could calm him down at the time, and even then it took near an hour of the Prussian's assurances and cuddling. Feliciano still hasn't talked to him about why he broke down like that. That was near a few decades ago. A little after the first world war, he thinks.

 

God, that was a century ago, actually. “Time sure flies, huh?” He finally spoke. His voice was soft as he looked to the grass. If he looked up, he knew fresh tears would fall. He always cried at this site. It didn't matter how many times he's been here. He'd always cry, but he'd never regret a visit.

 

It felt like hours before he felt a shaky sigh escape his lips. He moved to sit on the grass, right in front of an unmarked grave. It was simple, a wooden cross replaced every now and then when it would fall apart. A bouquet of white lilies was set in front of him a moment later. “I brought you some lilies today. They look okay, si?” His voice was still soft, but he finally did start to talk more. “Is it silly I brought you my national flower instead of yours? I hope it's not. I...”

 

A tan moved over his mouth. He felt his words hitch on his tongue again. It took him a few moments before he was able to wipe a few tears away and be okay again. “I'm sorry, I'm being silly. I didn't even ask how you are this year? It's been that long again. I wonder, should I visit more? Like I used to? Would you like that...?”

 

He almost said the others name. God, he still couldn't say it. He felt awful for not being able to, but it hurt so much to say **his** name again. He really did wonder if he should visit more though. He used to visit daily. Hell, he'd sleep out here at the site for a long while. It took a lot of convincing for him to sleep in a bed again. After that, he'd delay his visits to weekly, and after months of that, it'd turn to once a month. Even then it took so long before finally, he visited only yearly.

 

It was a few minutes before he sighed again. “I hope you're happy in Heaven, il mio amore.” A hand moved to run along the base of the cross. “I hope it's everything you wish for and more.” He sniffled. “I hope when I eventually pass, I'll get to join you too. Please... Please allow me to join you then. Meet me at Saint Peter's Gate, si? You can show me all around. Show me your favorite spots to have siestas and your favorite spot for training, and... And maybe even your favorite spot to watch over your loved ones?” His breathing started to get hard again so he took a minute. “Maybe we should... move onto another topic, si?”

 

He took a few minutes to regain his composure before he spoke again. “Oh, I know... You remember that man I told you about? The one who sorta looks like you?” He began. “Well, I finally asked him for a date. I know, it's silly. I held back from liking someone like that for so long... God, it's had to be two thousand years, right? But... I talked to papa, and he said you'd want me to be happy. So him and I are... We'll be going to a nice bistro tonight. I haven't been there before, but Lovi said he has and he said they have really good food. It's rare Lovi compliments anything, so they must be good, right?”

 

The Italian sighed and felt his shoulders slump. Heh, his papa would probably be upset with him that he wasn't sitting proper at this point. Feli wasn't sure he cared at the moment though. Sad shades of amber looked to the cross again. “You know, I'm still not certain I should even go on that date, but... I haven't been able to talk myself out of it fully either. What do you think?”

 

He sat in silence for what felt like a good while. That was plenty time to give the other a chance to give him a sign right? He still received none. Another sigh escaped. “I know it's fruitless to ask by now, but... Please? Can... can you just please, give me some kind of sign? I just need to know... Please? Please?” He waited again. When still no sign came, he shook his head. “God...” The name barely came as a whisper. “Just please... allow just one sign.”

 

He curled his legs close to his body and tucked his face to his knees. He couldn't hold it back anymore. It hurt too much to hold back the tears. He let them fall, soaking the military uniform he wore to the site. He stayed like this, curled and just letting the tears go for what felt like forever. In reality it was only about ten minutes. He felt exhausted. He needed a siesta. He wondered if the other would mind if he slept here, like he used to? He was sure he wouldn't mind, but... He did have to wake back up eventually. He was sure if he slept here, he wouldn't be able to wake up and be ready in time to meet the blond at the bistro.

 

“I guess... I guess God won't let you give me a sign... So I guess I'll see you in my dreams again.” The tired brunet exhaled as he moved to get up again and smile sadly to the grave. Ti amo, per sempre e sempre, Holy Roma...” He spoke gently and knelt down enough to press his lips to the top of the cross.

 

He turned and walked away. When he turned, he did not catch the light of the ghost that formed over the cross. He did not see the small hand that extended towards his retreating form. He did not see the sad blue eyes that followed him. He did not hear the small voice that whispered his name. “Italia...”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sea: I hope you're all happy... That made me cry writing it!
> 
> Translates!
> 
> il mio amore: my love
> 
> Ti amo, per sempre e sempre: I love you, forever and always.


End file.
